Making a choice

    Padma’s progressive parents allowed her to make decisions.  Right from a tender age, they made her a part of financial decision- making in the family, listened to her with rapt attention, discussed her point of view and she, Soma and Shakti took unanimous decisions later.

     Padma was a bright girl.  She was good at all subjects, but had a special interest in History.  She was also exceptionally fond of mathematics, but loathed Science, mainly because of non-inspiring teachers, both at home and in school.  This was a contradiction of sorts, because traditionally the best teachers in schools belonged to the Science or Mathematics or Literature streams, whereas it was commonly opined that people whose career options were closed ended up as teachers of humanities.  Then how did Padma nurture her fondness for History?  She found the social studies teacher more boring than those who taught Science.  That was because of her aunt Lakshmi, who made stories out of Asoka’s renouncement of war post- Kalinga, the crusade of Rajah Ram Mohan Roy against Sati, the efforts of Iswara Chandra Vidyasagar towards women’s education and widow remarriage, Mahatma Gandhi’s weapon of non-violence, so on and so forth.  Plus, Padma was herself a voracious reader of the Amar Chitra Katha.  She had read enough of them to fall in love with History. 

     In those days of Matriculation, one had to make a choice of optional subjects to study – in other words, one had to make a career choice- at the level of Pre-Matriculation or Class IX.  Soma and Shakti told her in unison, “Whatever you study, do so with interest and do it with the goal of attaining knowledge, not a rank”.  Padma did not have to think hard.  She knew her heart was in the subject of History.  So, one optional was chosen.  She had to decide on the second.  She wanted to choose Mathematics.  But here, the career choice could not be made.  She could have chosen Mathematics for her Matriculation, but in the Intermediate and Degree courses, one had to choose between different sets of subjects grouped together.  It was either History, Economics, Civics/ Commerce or Mathematics, Economics, Commerce in Intermediate and not History, Mathematics and Economics.  Likewise, in the degree courses, she did not find History and Mathematics together.  So, she had to compromise, but Civics was her choice all the same. 

     It was not easy to celebrate her choice.  Firstly, it was not the “in-thing”.  Secondly, when it came to her education, each and every one of her extended family felt that one had thought better than she in determining her career and that too, despite her parents being strictly non-intervening.  “Take Mathematics.  With your grasping power, you’ll make a good IIT Engineer.  If you choose academics instead, you’ll make a great teacher” said her uncle, himself an IIT alumnus – turned Professor. 

     “But I can’t give up History”, she replied calmly. 

“Choose Biology.  You know, my uncle is doctor and he makes a lot of money.  Whatever money one earned as a faculty in a university in a month, he would earn in a week”.

  “NO. Firstly, I loathe dissections.  Secondly, I’m not after money, I’m after fulfilment”.  She was firm.

  “Study Literature.  You can satisfy your hunger for book- reading without having to strain too much”, asserted another Uncle.

  “Study Mathematics.  Don’t even think of History.  Only people with lesser grey matter choose such subjects”, yet another uncle, Prasad, sought to impose on her.

  “How can you say that?” was Padma’s angry retort.

  The uncle was provoked.  “Take your father, for example.  He got very low marks in Mathematics.  That’s the reason why he ended up with that subject”.

  Padma felt offended.  How could that uncle insult his host, her father?

  She turned to Soma who seemed to be least concerned.  “Did you study History just because you did not do well in other subjects, Nanna?” she asked.

  ‘I had no interest in Mathematics, but I did not have a choice to study the subject I loved.  When I didn’t do too well, my father was forced to put me into humanities, but he insisted I study History with a view to appearing at the Civil Services Examination.  I really had to put my foot down and say no to the examination and pursue research’.

  Prasad uncle was in splits.  With a sarcastic smile, he said, “People who finally end up with humanities always claim interest in it…….”.

  Padma could not stand it any longer.  Before she could say anything, Lakshmi, her aunt said “If you look at interest alone, study History.  But if you look farther at a career, History may not offer you any viable career choice than academics.  My father left me to take my decision after his decision on your dad’s career backfired”.

  “I have decided on that.  History shall be my choice, if you think only dullards take up History, please change your attitude.  Think of me before you utter such words about others.  I don’t want any career scope than academics”.

  It was the time of examination results, including those of Matriculation, but not hers.  She had just finished her pre-matriculation with History and Civics.  Everyone went gaga over the marks her cousin, Ram, obtained in Mathematics : 62/75.  ‘Quite a mark’,  Padma thought. Was that going to be a benchmark for her to emulate next year?  No.  Evaluators in humanities were miserly in the award of marks, she remembered.

x x x x x x x x x

            Results time again, this time hers.  Padma’s first class was foregone conclusion.  It was the percentage that mattered.  The marks were known and Padma had a mournful look on her face.  For the first time, she had secured less than 75% overall.  What a shame!  But hope was not lost – she had secured a 62/75 in Indian History! There was a difference, though. Comparisons were being made with her brother’s marks, but not with the 62/75 that both had obtained but about the 53/75 she obtained in Civics vis-à-vis his 55/75 in Physics.  She knew that she had to live through this, jealous people would never encourage or compliment!

x x x x x x x x x x

  ‘Are you sure you would manage to go by bus to a college far off and in an unfamiliar area?’ questioned Shakti.  “When my marks can fetch me a seat in the best college, why should I settle for anything less?” was her reply.

  The mother was unrelenting.  ‘Try to understand, Padma!  You are a weakling.  Do you think you can manage to travel 6 kms each way to your college?  Have you forgotten that you are prone to illnesses?  If you fall ill frequently, how will you study?  How will you devote time to your extra –curricular activities?  If it were this college, there is a direct bus and I can drop you to your college till you get used to bus travel’.

  Padma gave in but it was her choice again.  She let herself to be convinced by her mom.  She realised the consequences of her decision in just a few days.

The English lecturer was bad at grammar and the History lecturer could wean people away from the subject.  However, whatever Padma wrote fetched her the first mark.  On top of it, she won prizes in extra-curricular activities in English and Telugu.  Yet there was some dissatisfaction and no sense of achievement.

x x x x x x x x x x x x

  Time for the Intermediate results.  Padma is the college and district topper as well.  Now she was clear.  She would study in the best college or nowhere.  But circumstances favouring her father were more conspicuous.  The best college no longer offered English either as a medium of education or as a specialised subject in B.A. whereas the no-competition college offered both.  On top of it History was not offered as the main subject in the best college. Soma saw no sense in his daughter whiling her time away in a Telugu medium class and struggling with the subjects on her own at home.  It was as bad as private study!  In addition, commuting to and from the college took considerable time.  But Padma was firm: That college or no college.  Soma was worried about his weakling daughter – so he brought in his elder sister to counsel the girl.  She finally counselled her brother who eventually gave in with great regret.

x x x x x x x x x x x

  Vindication time.  Padma found a lot of competition and though she was the topper in the first two years, she achieved it despite tough competition.  Moreover, she was a regular member of the college team for debates, elocution, quiz etc.  Then came the third year.  This year she won prizes at state level competitions also and when she topped the college at the end of the year, she topped subject-wise as well as overall, and was ahead of the second ranker by a good 49 marks!  She also won the University prize for English language, something that her grandpa missed by a whisker during his graduation.

x x x xx x  x x x  x

  ‘No question of applying for M.A. (History) in JNU.  I want to sit in Nanna’s class.  Why do you want to deprive me of a happiness which Atta( paternal aunt) got?’  Padma decided to study History in the local University and not in the prestigious Jawaharlal Nehru University, New Delhi.  She got in easily and ended up the topper as well. Uff, she had no satisfaction as there was no competition again.  Only when she sat in her father’s class did she realise why he was popular in teaching circles. Other than her aunt Lakshmi, it was he who could hold the attention of the full class of students.

x x x x x x x x x x x

  Shakti has no choice but to undergo a major gynaec surgery.  It was the first major surgery in the family, so the time available for preparation of the UGC-NET was hardly 10 days.  To appear or not to appear was a choice she had to make.  Soma goaded her to write, even if she were to meet with failure.  Expectedly the exam did not go well for Padma, but she was unconcerned- the end turned out to be happy for her as she because the first local girl to have qualified in the NET as well as in the eligibility for Lectureship in a really long time.  ‘Atleast do your Ph.D in Central University! ‘ pleaded Soma.  ‘No way’, insisted Padma.

x x x x x x x x  x x

  The gist of the goading by a number of voices was just ‘Appear at the Civil Services exam!’.

‘Is it morally right to take a scholarship from the UGC and prepare for another exam?’  she wondered.

  This time, it was imposed on her by her family.  A helpless Padma shared her woe with God.

  Lo & behold!  Padma was down with viral fever on the day of the preliminary examination was unable to even get out of bed.  If a choice were imposed on her, this was the consequence!

                      xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  ‘Finalise your thesis quickly.  I want to hear the happy news of a two letter prefix, before your name before leave Mother Earth.  No one except God is perfect.  Don’t wait to write the perfect thesis”.  Grandpa pleaded, Padma agreed only partially.  ‘Tatayya garu, please also remember Michaelangelo’s words that trifles made perfection and that perfection was not a trifle’.

x x x x x  x x x x x x

  ‘That boy is very handsome and your aunt tells me that he is of upright character.  Consider and let us know’, said Shakti.  ‘No consideration is necessary, I want my doctorate’, replied Padma. 

  The IT revolution in AP made its middle class more affluent.  It soon became apparent that there shall be no recruitment in humanities departments.  Padma, who is on the verge of submission of thesis, is crest-fallen.  How would she eke out her living?  Would she be pushed into marriage because of unemployment?

  The degree college where she studied sent a feeler about employing her.  But there was a problem- they would offer her only a paltry consolidated pay.  Even as she was on the verge of accepting it “even if to get experience”, Soma counselled her, ‘If all that you want is some pocket money I can afford it, even if I don’t offer it as a matter of principle.  Why should my daughter settle for anything short of the best?  Moreover, I feel you should give one opportunity to someone who desperately needs it’.  Padma was convinced so she declined the offer.

  In the meanwhile, Government extended retirement age from 58 to 60 and recruitment age from 28 to 30.  Parents and others pleaded with Padma to give one shot at the Civil Services exam at least till she got the result of Ph. D.  This time, she agreed whole heartedly – firstly, she had to spend some time before she was awarded the Ph. D degree and in any case, unemployment loomed large over her.

  Padma’s childhood dream was realised barely a couple of months before the preliminary examination and her father reminded that she could go back to research, but she decided to appear at the examination. ‘Let me fail, I’ll get back ‘, she mentioned.  Her magnum opus turned out to be a trail blazer, so the University’s Vice Chancellor sent for her and offered to sponsor her for a post-doctoral fellowship with the foreign examiner.  But, Padma had made her choice.  She wasn’t prepared to trade off the chance to land in a permanent job to enjoy a few- year scholarship.

x x x x x x x x x x

  Padma became a Civil servant.  The very thought of leaving the family saddened her.  But there was no looking back.  Yet, she was filled with regret that but for unemployment, she would have become a University faculty and would never have left her home town.  After a few years of ups and downs in here professional career she realised that-

-   but for her decision, she would not have written the examination which gave her a livelihood.

-   it was her decision to tread a particular path which caused her downs in her career and

-   looking back, she was much stronger than before.

       Even if her magnum opus remained unpublished, she had shared her knowledge and values with probationers, which gave here a greater sense of satisfaction.  If hometown was her world once upon a time, the world was her home now.  She even decided that if she were to teach on weekends, she would teach the underprivileged children rather than students of History in a college. Quite a choice!

* * * * * * * * *** * * * *