Jargon Management: The Management of Internalization

An Amma’s Child had just spent a month in a reputed management institution. Amma wanted to find out how her Child was doing. So, one Sunday evening, Amma calls up her child and this is how they conversed.

Amma (A): How are you, Child?

Child (C): Fine, Amma.

A: How is the weather there?

C: It’s uniformly pleasant. I can say that the standard deviation from the mean temperature is hardly one or two. Meaning, it shows a high measure of central tendency. Since you have a high sensitivity to weather changes, I strongly recommend that you come over here to enjoy better health.

A: Ok...ok. Let’s see. What about you knowledge level? How are you coping?

C: Thanks Amma, I’m coping fine. Did you know that the smile of Helen of Troy launched a thousand ships?

A: What are you upto? Reading Iliad or what? Better study well!!

C: Amma, come on! You are needlessly doubting me. This info is found on page xix (Preface) to the book on Public Policymaking in India written by Dr. R.V.V Iyer and published in the year 2011, by Dorling Kindersley (India) Pvt. Ltd.

A: Oh! Don’t bore me, Child! Why do you have to waste time on these trivia?

C: No Amma, this is not trivial. We have been taught the need to reference correctly in the class on plagiarism!

A: Oh,ok. Tell me, how is it going otherwise?

C: I recently shared your ‘Bottom Solution’ insight with Ankita, my classmate.

A: What’s this insight I am not even aware of?

C: Let me tell you in detail. You will remember that I told you that my room is the ‘Coffee ka sabse bada adda’ on campus. When Ankita and I wanted to make coffee one day, I put some water in the milk vessel before pouring milk. When Ankita asked for the reason, I told her that this would prevent milk from getting stuck to the bottom. It was new knowledge to her. I used that term deriving it from ‘Corner Solution’ in Micro Economics.

A: How are you coping with that subject?

C: God save me. Even if I am poor in it, I am trying to cope. I understood Demand, Supply, Utility and related concepts through an event that occurred recently. My maid was hired to render a certain service to give me a certain utility. But, due to force majeure, I did not get a cook who would have created the requisite work for the maid. So the requirement of the work of the maid grew smaller. Oh, let me be clear. For example, I expected to derive 100 units of utility from her service. Now with no cooking happening, reducing the number of utensils to be cleaned (btw, it is known as ‘Expected Value’ in Stats), the utility came down to say, 80, from 100. I thought the equilibrium was disturbed. I attempted to renegotiate the terms and conditions. She was not ready for a trade – off at all. I seriously doubted what she would do with this unearned revenue in her balance sheet. I only hope she does not make it into a scam! I felt that her floor price was so high that it lapped up most of my surplus and also caused a substantial dead weight loss. I later realised that she’s the only maid in the locality and that she wielded tremendous monopolistic power!    

A: You think you’re my teacher, and me, your student? Now tell me what happened ultimately? Do you have a maid now or not?

C: I told you there was much reduction in efficiency, so how did you still entertain that silly doubt of yours?

A: Then how are you managing life?

C: I’m trying to maximize utility within the given constraints!

A: Oh, you took me deep into management. Before I forget let me inform you that Ram Uncle and Janaki aunty will stay with you for a couple of days from Tuesday.

C: That’s nice. Most welcome to them. I was just thinking of how to replenish my fruits and snacks which my adda frequenters and I normally finish off quite efficiently. I’m sure uncle and aunt will visit with some exotic snacks. I’ll be off to class during the day, and they can make whatever they want. Of course resources are scarce (now it’s not out of place for me to state that Lionel Robbins gave the scarcity Definition of Economics), but as long as there is the Akriti store with their motto of customer delight, there’s everything at the other end of a phone call’.

A: What is the gist of the story you have narrated?

C: They can call up Akriti store, and they will deliver goods at the doorstep.

A: Oh.. I’ll tell them. They were planning to take you to the MFR (Most famous Restaurant). You can take your friends along.

C: I agree that the restaurant enjoys a brand premium, but I don’t think I’ll derive maximum benefit if I factor in all activities associated with having food there (that’s called Activity Based Costing or ABC, btw). If I were the customer, I’ll derive very little value. So, my answer is a clear no. They are free to take my friends. My friends may agree to go if their utility baskets and value derived are different.

A: What date is Tuesday?

C: 9^th July, that is nine seven. Today is seven seven, that is double seven. Ah, by the way, did you know that Double Seven was the government brand of cola to compete with Thums up when Coca-cola left the shores of this country? Do you know of what finally happened to the pesticide controversy?

A: Oh, hold on wont you? Are you having the vitamin tablets regularly?

C: Yes, I’m taking my medicinal drugs regularly. Hmm.. Talking about drugs, do you know that there’s a school of thought which opines that drug abuse would have been better handled if it were treated as a health issue not a law & order problem?

A: Stop it! Can’t bear your unintelligible jargon!!

C: No please. I guess I can chose my language and I have chosen the language of jargon. Who knows, it may become a game changing trend.. You’ll have to wait for a couple of centuries to figure it out though!

Koo-uk!!!

Child hears the sound of disconnection of the phone from the other side. She did not figure out why Amma got so annoyed even as she was making a genuine effort to learn management through Jargon Management™ (!).

Epilogue

Thanks for your smile. If yours is a toothy smile, just think of endorsing your favourite toothpaste. If not, you may endorse a lip balm or a lipstick. Just in case you’re wondering how that is relevant in this piece, please remember that management is the art of making the impossible POSSIBLE – like I thought of and actually wrote this piece one day before the mid-term exam! Think of smile management, while I internalise my jargon!