Yes, I was missing someone.
I wanted to deny myself of what I was going through – in fact, I had
camouflaged myself for a good fifty-two days!
This was the count after I realized that I was actually missing
someone. How many years went by since I
actually lost this person? I have no
clue. May be fifteen years, or,
twenty. Or may be more. Anyway, now that I realized that this someone
has left me (in the lurch!), I decided to place an advertisement in the
seemingly vain hope of winning him back.
I prepared the draft of the advertisement, and revised it
twelve times, or may be thirteen. Let me
count the number of crumpled papers in my bin…..
one…..two…..three…..four…… Why am I
wasting time on trivia? I looked at it
with satisfaction and made up my mind to personally hand it over in the office
of the ‘City News’ tomorrow, for publication in the edition on the day after.
* * * * *
I opened the newspaper in anticipation of seeing my
advertisement. So, my eyes directly
glanced at the classified section; it was a strain for them not to do something
they were used to doing for the past thirty – odd years (I was initiated into
reading the newspaper at the age of eight) – headlines, editorial, sports page,
centre page features, in that order. Yet
they did the job for me – they located the advertisement. I went through it with a lot of
satisfaction. I was happy that the
newspaper office had done a decent job of it.
Yes, there is hope. How do I
expect him to return to me without me letting him know that I am eager to let
him in again?
There is a strong gust of wind and the power goes off. ‘Does it have to happen now?’ I grumble.
I recollect that I have taken enough care to ensure water for the next
two days. I looked at the mobile – low charge. Psst!
What if he calls now? He’ll think
about me as a pretender! How did I not
factor in all this? May be our
relationship was not to be! Que sara
sara, whatever will be, will be. The
landline buzzed; I was abuzz with anticipation.
Oh, I can’t note the caller’s number as the power conched off. Despite underground cabling, the power goes
of at the drop of a hat! Now, let me not
answer the phone nastily. I gathered my
wits and answered the phone in as polite a tone I could manage.
‘Hello’, I said.
‘What’s all this nonsense?’ asked an angry voice. It was my mother’s! I looked at the headline. ‘Cyclone set to hit Vizag today’, it
said. Now I know why the power went
off. ‘Amma, don’t worry, I’m not a kid,
and can take care of myself’, I tried to convince her. ‘Don’t try to distract me’, shouted my
mother, ‘I’m talking about the advertisement’.
‘Advertisement? How in Chennai
could you see the advertisement of the local edition of Vizag?’ I asked, partly confused and partly upset –
after all, this was not the voice I wanted to hear, in first place. ‘Vasundhara aunty told me about that. I am annoyed.
I am away from home for just three days and you give this obsessive
advertisement. You embarrass me so
much!’ For the uninitiated, Vasundhara
was a third generation cousin of my mother’s, and, true to her name, took great
interest in worldly matters, especially if they were the rest of the
world’s. No wonder that the news became
viral already! My mother gave up because
of my long-silence, and said, ‘Keep yourself safe during the cyclone. Secure the door and windows. Don’t open the door no matter whoever
knocks and take care’. ‘Amma, I’m
thirty nine now. I think I need not be
spoon-fed about what to do, when and how.
And, I take full responsibility for the advertisement’. ‘You –’.
The strong sound of a rough replacement of the hook was heard. Yes, Amma is annoyed with me. But what’s wrong with the advertisement?
I looked at the advertisement. It was a search for a missing person. What could be wrong with such an
advertisement? And to call it
obsessive! Amma needs to change her
reactive companions.
Knock-knock or a tap-tap on the door! I was excited. He would have seen my ad, and come looking
for me! Oh great! May be it is the maid! Why will she turn up? This is her chance to invoke the force majeure
clause for non-performance of the contract.
Anyway, I’d only be too glad to be proved wrong. I opened the door only to find a kitten
rubbing his tail against the door. I saw
that the feline was anyway secure, so left him to himself and came back to my
missing person.
Once again there was a sound at the door. This time, I remembered Amma’s words ‘….. no
matter who knocks’. But, I decided to
violate it once again. So, I walked up
to the door and opened it, and realized that it was caused by some flying dry –
twigs. I suddenly remembered the lyrics
of a Telugu song:
‘Vadigalisadiki tadabadaku
Padadhwanulani
porabadaku….
Ranika nee
kosam sakhi…..’
(Don’t shudder at the sound of gusts and mistake them to be
my footsteps….. I will never ever return
to you, O beloved…..)
My eyes were filled with tears. Why did I let him go in first place? And why did I advertise in a newspaper and
not search for his profile on Facebook?
I explored the latter option in vain.
But, I knew that we were together in Vizag and that he was too fond of
me to have left the place. So, I was
perfectly fine in doing what I did.
Now, the cyclonic effect started to show – stronger winds,
heavier downpour, and more frequent and louder thunder. At this point of time, I would not have
wanted to see him at my door. Why should
he take such a big risk to come and meet me amid a cyclonic storm? I made coffee for myself, and started to sip,
lost in thoughts. There was a very
gentle tap. I opened the door and drew a
blank again. When I walked back, I heard
a tap again. I did not want to go all
the way back, so I sat at the dining table, sipping coffee. This time I felt someone was pounding at my
heart, and a gentle voice said, ‘Padma, I’m here! Why don’t you talk to me?’
I shuddered. Yes, it
was his voice. I opened the door, but
none was around. ‘Hi dear! I
miss you. I’m glad you answered my
advertisement. But, why don’t I find
you?’
‘It is alright even if I don’t show myself to you. Trust me, I’m no ghost or an illusion. I am here for real. Let’s talk for a while and you’ll agree I’m
here’, said he.
I was happy. Now I
asked him, ‘Where were you all these years, nay decades?’
‘Let me answer this by asking you a question. When were we last together?’
I replied, ‘In school.
That was the time we chased the butterflies over the chrysanthemums in
our garden!’
‘Who was with you when you ran after a bus and got into it
before it departed?’
‘Yes, you were there.
I remember well. It was the
Independence Day and we had a function very early in the day in our
college. I almost missed the bus but
found you in it. Thank you for having
been with me.’
‘Wasn’t I there with you, when you won your first
inter-collegiate debate prize? And when
you went out of town for a quiz competition?
Wasn’t I part of you when your dad brought home a loaf of bread from a
far off baker just because you wanted to have it on a Sunday evening, when Vizag
was a sleepy little town? Didn’t I share
your success in your graduation, post-graduation and career? Did I not accompany you when you stared at
the sea?’
I was lost in the conversation. Yes, he is right. ‘Where did we lose each other?’ I asked,
perplexed.
‘After you got into a job, you concentrated on it with
singular focus. You neglected me. You thought big things would give you big-
time happiness. You were wrong, and deaf to my entreaties. Here I was, within
and around you, craving for your attention, in vain. Initially, you did find me off and on, but
gradually, as you got entangled in the complications of your job, you only
worked to untangle them, but never looked for or looked at me. Here I was, waiting for you to call upon me,
in vain. In due course, you moved
totally away, out of sight and sound.’
I replayed what he said.
He was right. As I got higher in
the career, I really got too busy to spend time with him. I
looked at the ad again. It said:
‘Most Wanted’
Looking for Happiness, my childhood play-mate. Last seen with me twenty-five years ago,
chasing butterflies in my garden.
Missing you a lot, dear! If you
see this advertisement, please contact me at the following address / telephone
No……..’
It looked childish that I should have placed this ad. But it helped me find my happiness, who was
lying within me, and without my care and attention, for nearly two
decades! How happy I felt when I collected
a thousand shells on the seashore? How
much elated I was when Dad went a great distance simply because his ‘princess’
wanted to have bread at n odd time in the day!
Wasn’t happiness my companion when I helped a blind person cross the
road? Or, helped an academically poor
student with another round of teaching just before the examination? Where are all these happy moments now?
They would have had an opportunity to give me my happiness,
but I didn’t care to take it. I was busy
converting luxuries into ‘entitlements’ or ‘necessaries’, and strategizing game
plans in trying to checkmate others. I
began to look at life as a zero-sum game, thought win-lose, and got no
happiness out of those victories. If at
all, they only stressed me, as I knew that success would bring me more problems
and enemies. I therefore had to prepare
myself for newer challenges, overcome them, get ready for fresh challenges, and
so on like in a vicious circle. No
wonder that I distanced myself from my happiness, who was lying within me, and
sobbing silently at my neglect of him.
Now I realized the value of happiness. ‘Thank you for making me realize your worth’,
I screamed in joy.
* * * * *
‘You are such an overgrown child. You still wake me up with your screams’, said
mother, shaking me into consciousness. I
felt groggy; I rubbed my eyes, and said, ‘The newspaper ad helped me. So you should not shout at my screams’. ‘What advertisement are you talking about?’
asked Amma, and continued, ‘This girl clearly has had a disturbing dream’, and
went off to sleep.
* * * * *
31 comments:
Very interesting. One of your best writeups. I liked these lines "I began to look at life as a zero-sum game, thought win-lose, and got no happiness out of those victories. If at all, they only stressed me, as I knew that success would bring me more problems and enemies"
We fail to realise the value of happiness as long as it exists. We tend to chase it only during its absence.
Hoping to see nice ones at regular intervals..
Hari
Thank u very much for ur encouragement, hari!
glad u liked it!
Brilliant:)
thank u annayya
simply superb..i think this is d best of all ur writings
thank u dear!
Ah suspense...and the nail-biting narrative...too good Sunnygaru. You have kept us glued to your blogpage with the white letters capturing our minds all through...
Wow, thanks a lot, Sheela!
Madam, great imagination lies in the portrayal. It carried an essential but simple point of life. Individuals act to achieve happiness. It need not be derived from entitlements accrued to individual himself/herself. An act of helping others can also bring the same. Individuals must work. They should share the benefits with the larger world to remain happy.
there u are, Ramprasad! this means u have not ignored that companion of urs!!
Very Nice..................
What does this mean 'force majeure clause'
thank u chinnu! it means non performance of contractual obligation because of circumstances beyond the control of the performer, which will NOT construe as a breach of contract!
Lol. Have half a mind to say "What an idea Sir Ji". But really, the freshness of this idea is exemplary. And you have succinctly portrayed the chief ailment of an entire generation and the prime remedy that must be on everyone's prescription. Congrats and many thanks..
As a newcomer, I guess there are a lot of posts for me to catch up with here, and I'm only clicking around randomly now instead of following any specific order. But I will dig deeper into the archives.
And like Alice, I'm getting curiouser and curiouser. You do seem to come from a very special perspective of your own, don't you? Take the immense zest for life that shines through this post for example - hard to find in ordinary mortals, envy and congrats on that. From the limited perspective of the "zest for life", the one character that springs to mind as I read through your article is the protagonist from "Vennello Ada Pilla" ("Yandamuri"). Again, just from the perspective of "the yearnings of a boundless spirit, full of innocent enjoyment of life", no other comparison intended. Thanks for that as well.
And the gentleman for whom you've advertised, I hope you were wise enough not to lose him again :) Hearty all the best.
Thank u Nanda! thanx for taking my 'different' perspective positively. This story resulted from a bout of inspiration which came from a conversation with a kid, who had actually complained of stress in school. I'm not a voracious reader, and, didn't read 'Vennello Adapilla' so far. As for that gentleman, he ensures I dont give up on him(!). Life continually keeps throwing hard challenges at us, but we can face them confidently if we are determined to hold the hands of this paternalistic gentleman. Thanks for all your wishes. I didnt get the LOL?
Hmm! LOL is an acronym used only in online conversations, stands for "Laughing Out Loud". Equivalent to something like Ha Ha" in a direct conversation. Thanks again for this refreshingly cool idea, am going to remember this for a long time to come. Have a nice day!!
Thank u Nanda! I thought I had written on a serious matter......I did not express my doubt clearly, but I didn't get the contest of LOL.... good day 2 u too!
sorry context.........u should pl excuse my poor exposition and, thanx once again for liking the idea!
Hmm! I thought I did acknowledge the serious gist of the matter in my note.. The LOL is for the part where you model your "quest for happiness" as a "Newspaper ad". Surely the topic is not so somber as not to warrant even a small pleasant punctuation laugh?
LOL! Seriously, yes! Actually, I tried to lighten the mood of the stressed kid by saying, 'Let's advertise for happiness'. And that set me thinking and this came out at the end of the day. Thanx again...U shd forgive my poor spellings... a tribute to my typing skills!
This is one nail biting suspense filled story. :)
Ofcourse, it carries a lovely message.. to pause and look around us before carrying on, just to ensure we are in the company of our best friend..a friend for life! :) Great Job Madam..
Am glad u liked it, Sir!
Great post maam. I m slowly making mY way through your blog.
Happiness is a choice. Anyone can choose to be happy no matter what circumstances they are in. You chose to work hard and advertise for happiness and you found it. Not withstanding it is just a dream.
Thank u dear! The idea is to find happiness around us and not get lost in utterly materialistic pursuits!
superb! written with ease and adeptness of a skilled and accomplished writer. Heart and soul in the piece.
Thanks for the encouragement, Madam!Nice to have you on board!
Maam this is one awesome writeup. I was completely glued while reading this post. Though i am not a blogger( reader or writer) but this very piece of yours made me feel wanting for more of such read.Thanks Mam for exposing me to the world of Bloggers.
Wow, thank u Megha, for taking the trouble of going thru & even posting a comment.Thank you for your encouragement...so, keep watching this space!
Madam,
A refreshingly different presentation. Happiness is a state of mind. It finds expression only when is at peace with oneself.
Wish you happiness in abundance
Thank u very much! And wish you & yours the same!
ee katha nenu rendo saari chaduvutunnananu. prati saari naaku kotha konam lo kanipistundi. chaala bhaava purithamuga raasavy Surya. Jeevitham lo mudontulu denikosamo tapana padatamtone saripotundi. Parugu parugedutunte okka nimisham aagi avalokanam chesthe santoshamga unnama ? Anni chikku prasnale. Santhoshaniki nirvachanam andariki vere verega untundemo? Kaani ee katha chadivaake chaala haagiga anipinchindi. Kale nijamaite entha baaguntundi. Kadaaa...
thank u Praveena, రెండు సార్లు చదివి, సంతోషించినందుకు. ఆ కల ఒక్కసారిగా నిజం అవదు. మనం మనసా-వాచా-కర్మణ దానికోసం కృషి చేయాలి. Wish u all the best!
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