Fear of Death-Part I

       We mortals are sure to have one fear – the fear of Death. It is more visible in some, while many others have been able to successfully conceal it behind a cheerful countenance.

       Padma was a sensitive child, more sensitive than normal children. She realized she had this fear much earlier than other children of her age did.

       ‘I don’t want to read this comic’, 5- year- old Padma said in a firm voice to her parents. She was recently introduced to the world of Amar Chitra Katha comics. As a part of her socialization, her parents bought her a comic containing that part of the epic, ‘Mahabharata’ which covered the Battle of Kurukshetra. Children of her age normally were fond of battles, which depicted vivid pictures of mace and bow- and- arrow fights. ‘Why?’, asked her bewildered parents.

       ‘How can people kill their own brethren?’, Padma replied, with sadness in her  voice. The parents were definitely taken aback. She sounded like an Arjuna-in-the-making. ‘You don’t seem to be getting the lesson right’, her father, Soma, replied patiently, ‘The Battle of Kurukshetra is about victory of Virtue over vice’. ‘But, I cannot hear so many deaths’, retorted Padma. ‘Do you beat me to make me understand what you want me to?’, she added.

       Soma and Shakti, his wife, were thoroughly astounded. Given their only child’s sensitivity, they decided to keep violent stories from her as far as possible, at least till she could understand them in a larger context.

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‘Edadugula   Sambandham, Enado vechina bandham’, sang Padmasana excitedly as she sat on her mother’s lap in the autorickshaw.

       ‘Shhh’, Shakti tired to contain her daughter’s enthusiasm- Padma was, after all, extremely fond of music.

       It got dark by the time the cinema- goers completed residual shopping after watching ‘Bangaru Babu’ at the matinee show. As the auto rickshaw paced past Yellamma Thota aka Jagadamba junction, towards the University area in Visakhapatnam, Padma suddenly noticed a statue which glowed in the dark. She noticed that it was of a bearded man who stretched his arms.  She immediately gave up singing of the song and quizzed her mother. ‘ Amma,  who is this person? Why does he stand with his arms stretched?’.

       Shakti replied, ‘He is Jesus Christ. He is the God of a religion called Christianity. He protected people by giving up His life. His arms were nailed on a wooden cross’.

       Padma began to weep, ‘How can people kill a person?’, she asked amidst her sobs. ‘No, dear, He came alive later to bless the people’, consoled Shakti.  Padma was happy for the moment, when her mother talked about Jesus ‘coming alive’.

       While her mother patted her to sleep that day, Padma asked a question: ‘Who killed Jesus, and why?’. ‘I’ll you tell you later’, replied Shakti and distracted her daughter by singing ‘Chandamama rave jaablli rave’.

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       Soma and Shakti bought a picture book of the Ramayana in Telugu, so that Padma could learn a bit of her mother tongue. Shakti patiently read out of the book. Padma was not very comfortable with Ravana’s abduction of Sita. ‘Will Sita come back to Rama?’, she asked. Ravana’s chopping of Jatayu’s wings was equally hard to bear.

       ‘When Rama is God why didn’t He make Jatayu come alive?’, questioned Padma. ‘Jatayu will come alive later in the story’, bluffed Shakti.

       ‘Nanna, Amma lied today. We must punish her’, complained Padma to Soma. ‘Why, what happened, dear?’ asked he.

       ‘Amma told me that Jatayu will be alive at the end of Ramayana, but it wasn’t true’, answered the child.

       ‘Everything won’t be disclosed in the story, Padma! Since Rama was an Avatar of Lord Vishnu, He brought back to life all the good ones who lost their lives,’ convinced the Dad.

       Padma was anyway so fond of the book that she read it everyday, But, not a reading got over without she shedding tears over Ravana’s cruelty towards Jatayu and the latter’s consequent death.

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       ‘Ha ha, Ajiatasatru did not succeed in the attempt to kill the Buddha’, exclaimed Padma. She viewed the vain attempt of Ajatasatru on Buddha’s life as a triumph of life over death. She went on to complete the Amar Chitra Katha comic on Gautama Buddha and ended up in tears. ‘Why did Buddha have to die?’ was her question.

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       Ganesa, the Elephant-headed God of the Hindu pantheon, was Padmasana’s favourite God. Shakti once told her that He should be worshipped first. But that wasn’t the reason for Padma’s liking. It was His  ‘re-arrival’ which thrilled her. She might have been five or six years old when her paternal aunt bathed her one day. Lakshmi, the paternal aunt, applied turmeric all over Padma and let it dry. Then she started to wipe it off hard in order to have a scrub effect. This was the traditional Indian bath, but Lakshmi took the opportunity to tell Padma a story. She collected the scrubbed turmeric (called ’Nalugu’ in Telugu), made it into a shape, and told Padma, “One day Goddess Parvati wanted to have a bath. She wanted to make sure that no one entered the home in the absence of Lord Siva, so created a boy with Her nalugu and blessed Him into life’.

       Padma interrupted, ‘But, this one doesn’t even remotely resemble a boy’, staring at the shape her aunt had made.

       ‘Oh, that’s all right. I’ m not Goddess Parvati! You just imagine that She made a boy out of her nalugu and gave him life”.

       ‘Ok’, agreed Padma, all ears to what her aunt had to say.

       Lakshmi took the container having soaked soap nut and began extracting the essence while she continued. ‘Parvati Devi ordered the boy to stand guard for Kailasam and not let anyone in, till She was out. The obedient son did His duty. Meanwhile, Lord Siva was back at home, but the boy would not let Him in. So, an angry Siva…..’

       Padma asked worriedly, ‘Hope He did not open his third eye and burn the boy!’.

       Lakshmi patiently answered. ‘No, dear, He tried to get the boy out of His way by various means. First, He advised the boy to make way for Him. When the latter refused, Nandi came in to dislodge the boy. The boy beat Nandi properly. Lord Siva then sent His hordes (called ‘Ganas’) who were defeated comprehensively’. Lakshmi now washed Padma’s hair with the soap nut extract. A curious Padma asked, ‘Did Parvati Devi come out?’.

       ‘No’, replied her aunt, ‘Finally, Lord Siva  himself faced the boy and was unable to defeat Him for quite some time. Ultimately, He took out His Trisulam (Trident) to chop the boy’s head off’.

       Padma cried loudly. Lakshmi asked her, ‘Oh, dear, did the soap nut extract get into your eyes? Don’t worry, the burning sensation will be gone in no time. I’’ll do some magic, ok? But first, just open your eyes, I’ll pour some cold water and blow some air to make you feel better……’

       There was no let up in the screams. Lakshmi first slowly opened Padma’s left eye and poured some cold water. Even as she tried to open the latter’s right eye, the child replied in a crying tone, ‘There is no soap nut in my eyes’.

       Now, Lakshmi was thoroughly perplexed. ‘Then what makes you cry, dear?’ she asked. ‘How could a father chop his son’s head?’ Padma continued to cry as she questioned her aunt.

       ‘You see, Siva was not aware that Parvati created the boy. So He did out it out of ignorance’.

       Padma was not convinced.  She shook her head. ‘Firstly, Lord Siva was the boy’s father.  He cannot do it, even out of ignorance. If I listen to Amma, will Nanna kill me? Secondly, He is a God. So we should have known it with this Divya Drishti (Divine Anticipation)’.

       Lakshmi was stumped. The qualities of Gods which she had spoken of some time back, came back to her in a different way. She tried to distract the child now. She continued, ‘Padma darling, you have not heard the full story. Parvathi Devi came out, saw the child lying in a pool of blood, and ordered that the killer of Her son should be punished. Female deities or ‘Shaktis’ swallowed the hordes of Lord Siva. Faced with defeat, Lord Siva had to seek the ‘Saranu’ (literally – shelter, contextually- pardon) of Parvati Devi. She was willing to grant it, if Her son were to come alive. Lord Vishnu, who was also present at that place, directed that the head of any being sleeping towards North should be brought. The hordes found an elephant, whose head was chopped off by Vishnu’s Sudarsana. Lord Brahma, the creator, attached the elephant- head to the boy’s severed body and gave him life. He is therefore known as Gajanana( ‘the Elephant faced one’) All the Gods  blessed him with the privilege of receiving  the first prayer. So, this is Lord Vinayaka’s story’.

       Padma smiled but felt that Lord Siva should not have chopped off His son’s head.

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       ‘What if I don’t wake up from sleep tomorrow morning? Does it mean I am dead?’ Padma, now nine years old, asked Shakti. Shakti was taken aback. What had happened? Padma was lost in thought. She sat on the sill of a sea facing window in her home and looked at the sea and the Dolphin’s Nose. ‘If today is going to be my last day, should I not bid an affectionate good-bye to my dear friend, Samudra,  and the Dolphin’s Nose?’, she asked. 

       Shakti figured out that this could be the fall-out of a tragic film they had watched earlier in the day. ‘Such tragedies happen in films, not in real life. You should keep in mind that it was only a film’, she retorted.

       ‘Amma, but did it not appear as though it happened in front of our eyes?’ Padma questioned.

       In the meanwhile, Kantamma, Soma’s mother, walked in. She wanted to know why her grand-child was in a contemplative mood.  On hearing Padma, she said, ‘It is common place to have this kind of disenchantment with life. There are two Vairagyas (disenchantments) in life. One of them is what you are going through right now. It is called ‘Smasana Vairagyam’ (The disenchantment caused by the Graveyard). When you get to learn of death, you feel that life’s vain. You may also feel that there are so many things that you could have done, which you have not. Don’t worry darling, it is a passing phase. You will get over it soon’.

       What a philosophical twist to Padma’s fear of death!

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