Book summary – Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom

Book summary – Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom

Tuesdays with Morrie

                                                                     By Mitch Albom

                    2012 Reprint, 192 pp - £7.99

                   Published by Sphere, UK.

          The book’s sub-title, ‘An old man, a young man and life’s greatest lesson’, itself is an indication of the philosophical harvest the book has on offer.  And the reader is not disappointed.

          The book is a tribute to a teacher, who shared more than his academic expertise with his students.  There is a plethora of one-line aphorisms which are to be remembered forever.  If you have already read this book, you may feel you are reading it again.  I have summarised what appealed to me the most. 

          Professor Morrie Schwartz realises he is moving towards a painful death, caused by Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (or ALS for short), a neurological disease which melts the nerves and makes the body a pile of wax, starting at the legs, and working its way up.  The professor broods over whether he should ‘wither up and disappear’ or ‘make the best’ of his time left and chooses the latter and that’s what forms the basis for this book.  The gradual decline of Morrie’s physical faculties is related at appropriate moments, but my concentration is on his attitude in the face of slow death.

          The book looks back at the life of Morrie – the poverty he lives with, the love he got despite it, the secrets he kept and the choice of his profession (to contribute without the  exploitation of others) – all that eventually made him what he was. This professor is not a typical academician; he ensures the internationalisation of desirable qualities through practical activities. The exercise to understand the need to trust and to make room to receive it is worthy of emulation.  He is light on career skills and heavy on personal development.  Morrie is unconcerned with the rat race; he is content with the participation. 

          Morrie’s research on mentally challenged patients drove home some lessons he never forgot for the rest of his life – not to reject and ignore, or be cruel or wealth cannot buy happiness and contentment. 

          Morrie calls a small group of people for a ‘living funeral’, and it enables him to listen to and say things that normally living ones do not say to living beings.

          The student, Mitch Albom, loses himself in his own world, in pursuit of a career (as a sports journalist, after an unsuccessful attempt at being a musician), even as Morrie jots down his one-line philosophical pieces which, after following a circuitous route, catch the attention of a TV show host, Ted Koppel, who decides to do an episode with Morrie.  And Mitch happens to see it.

          Amidst intermittent reminiscences of college days, Mitch goes back to the teacher Morrie to learn life’s greatest lessons.  The teacher, or coach, as the student fondly calls him, starts off by saying that dying was ‘the only thing to be sad over’ and that if culture were not to encourage people to feel good about themselves, one should create one’s own. 

          The truth of life, that it was a ‘tension of opposites’, is already told to Mitch in his student days.  The reader is then enlightened about the life that Morrie led – the culture that he created – his project to provide mental health services for the poor, his keeping in touch with distant friends, keeping off TV, and his filling his life with conversation, interaction and affection; he had walked the talk he had with Mitch, that one can get meaning into one’s life by devoting oneself to loving others.

          In fact, the first visit of the author to his professor’s house does not give even the faintest indication of its being at the beginning of a series of meetings on Tuesdays – fourteen of them – with the dying  man.

          These Tuesdays not only reflect a positive attitude, but also impart valuable life skills to overcome adversities, which each individual faces in the course of leading one’s life.  Trying to enjoy one’s dependence on others is particularly endearing.  After all, how many of us can do it?  The effort to keen through normal chores like reading the newspaper, and not losing sensitivities in the face of failing faculties is worthy of emulation as well.

          The first lesson the reader learns from the book is that one should learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.  (A wise man named Levine had already stated that ‘love was the only rational act’). 

          The second Tuesday teaches how the professor copes with sorrow by concentrating on the people who visit him.  It heartens the reader that there can be a ‘daily limit’ on self-pity.  Morrie is happy for all the time he gets to say good-bye.

          The duo also talk about regrets, and the teacher clarifies that one runs  continuously and never looks back and reflect, an attitude which gives rise to regret.

          The never-give-up attitude is reinforced when the professor states that he will communicate with people even after losing his voice and the ability to move his hands, by requesting people to ask him ‘yes or no questions’.  Of he’d have to communicate with a deaf person, they would hold hands, causing love to pass between them.

About death, the reader learns that though everyone knows about it, nobody believes it, causing people not to do things differently.  The better approach is to be prepared for death (though people sleepwalk through life), so that one can be more involved in one’s life during one’s lifetime.  Please mark the endearing words, “…once you learn how to die, you learn how to live!” When one learns how to live, one does not place a premium on materialistic things and develops spiritually.

          About family, the reader learns that without love, people are birds with broken wings and that those who don’t love each other, perish.  Raising children ensures the experience of having complete responsibility for another being and the learning of loving and bonding in the deepest way.

          About emotions, one learns that detachments can be attained by letting the experience penetrate oneself fully, so that it can be left alone, later.  Holding back emotions is being afraid – of the vulnerability that loving entails.  When one throws oneself into the emotions, one recognises various emotions – this makes it easier to step away afterwards.

          About aging, Morrie advises Mitch (and the reader, of course), to embrace it, as, if one gets stuck at a particular age, one lives with the ignorance of that age.  Age implies growth – it is ‘more than the negative’ that one is going to die, and also ‘the positive’ that one understands one is going to die, and lives better because of it.  Morrie looks at people wishing to be younger as lives unsatisfied, unfulfilled and those that have not found their meaning, and not wanting to move forward.  Looking back makes one competitive, but when one accepts every age crossed as part of oneself, envy makes it exit, as one feels that one has been there at some point of time.

          Money minded readers of the book will reconsider their thoughts when they learn from Morrie that they are the people so hungry for love that they accept substitutes.  However, tenderness cannot be got from money or power, Morrie exhorts.  By differentiating between wants and needs, one can improve oneself, and by offering others what one has, one can be satisfied.  And if you have keenly read this summary, you will have understood that Morrie refers to time, not money, when it comes to giving.  Life can be made meaningful by devoting oneself to loving others, the community and creating something that gives one purpose and meaning.  Status gets one nowhere, but with an open heart, one can float equally between those higher and lower than oneself.

          Love goes on by being fully with the person one talks to, not being distracted by one’s own miseries and desires.  And this must be done without expectation of anything in return.  This is linked to the unexpected death of Morrie’s father.  In sharp contrast, Morrie’s near and dear ones are aware and around him, enabling him to die amidst love.

          The problems with marriage are analysed.  Since one does not know oneself, one also doesn’t know what one wants in a partner.  So one is either too selfish to take part in a real loving relationship, or rushes into marriage only to divorce later.  The essentials of a successful marriage are respect for the partner, compromise, open talk, a common set of values and the belief in the importance of one’s marriage.

          Morrie talks about building his own sub-culture – compliant with the little things, like obeying traffic rules and independent with the bigger ones.  He looks at culture as a unifying, rather than dividing force and that by ‘investing’ in the ‘human family’, one can create love around oneself. The fact that one needs others when one is healthy is reiterated.

          About forgiveness, the reader learns that one should forgive oneself before one dies, and forgive others later - one may not get enough time before death.  By forgiving oneself, one can overcome regret.

          Morrie, also states that ‘death ends a life, not a relationship’; if one can ‘love’ one another, one can die without ‘really going away’.  The reader learns that love can’t be negotiated and that only by genuine concern, it can be won.

          Morrie’s perfect day was but an average day, like any other.  Finding perfection in mundane things is the point to be noted.

         

          The last meeting is just about the emotions of the younger person ensuring he gives whatever love he can to his coach who is nearing the end of his life.

          The book is a sequential record of the conversations between the teacher and the student, as well as a recollection of their own lives, then and now.  The teacher’s handling of life after diagnosis is elaborated – I’m mentioning this only in passing as the lessons appealed to me in a more touching way.  Morrie’s efforts to lead as normal a life as possible, to let his children lead their lives despite his disease, to reach out to people and give them valuable lessons from his death-bed, his ‘enjoying’ his way to the grave, the daily ‘cap’ on grief, and the event of the ‘mock’ funeral are contrasted with day-to-day reports in the newspapers of ‘fun’ killings, materialistic cravings, etc, to drive the lesson home.

          The book ends with the student remembering the words of the coach that after his death, the former should talk while he listens.  ‘The teaching goes on’, are the last words of the book.  Indeed, there is no end to the lessons that life teaches us.  The teacher, who has been there, can ensure a smooth transition, if only we listen.

          A highly endearing book and a must-read.

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