Kicking a Habit

          ‘When do we get married? How long do I wait?’

No, it wasn’t a girl asking a boy, but the other way round. No response.

‘Think of our friends. They are all married’. So what, seemed to be her expression.

‘Ravi and Sitara have a daughter. She’s already two. I’ll still keep asking you about our marriage and Guddi, meanwhile, would have found her man! Will we ever get married? I’d better ask an astrologer than you..’

‘Good, go ahead. Do you know of anyone or should I give you the co- ordinates of my family astrologer?’

He looked at her. Normally, such comments would be with a smile. Her face was thoughtful. It looked disturbed as well.

‘Darling, what is wrong? It has become a daily routine for me to propose and for you, to dispose our marriage. There is a limit to all this. Five years since we decided to be companions in life’s journey, and no progress! Height of my patience!’

‘Go ahead, choose another girl’. He knew it was going out of hand. He sat next to her on the bench of the Nehru Park, where they used to meet as college students madly in love with each other.

He held her hand in his and asked, like a child making amends for bad behaviour, ‘What makes you so sad?’

‘I’ll never step into Sitara’s home again. I’m sad for her. Ravi is an idiot.’

He wondered what would have happened. After all, Ravi was known to be a decent fellow and uxorious as well. Moreover, Ravi and Sitara were their batch- mates and great friends of theirs. He did not suspect any inappropriate behaviour on part of Ravi.

‘Did he become an idiot simply because he stood by his girl and walked out of his riches to start from the scratch?’

She gave him a glare. He did not continue. ‘She too had walked out of her family. Remember that! Yesterday, Ravi and Sitara called me over for dinner, you know, right? Ravi has become brazen. He boozed in front of me. I got annoyed. I got up to walk out. On Sitara’s pleading that there shall be no further consumption, I stayed back’.

His eyes glittered. ‘Booze in your presence? Wow, I should say Ravi is courageous. He accomplished what I could not do in these long years of courtship.. ‘

‘Shut up. It is not all. He made Guddi sit on his lap, and continued his activity. How will he ever have any moral authority to tell his child that drinking is a vice? He was very unperturbed when the child dipped her finger into the goblet. He was proud that his blood was running through her veins. Great parent!!’

‘Darling, it’s their problem’, he tried to convince her.

‘You are his booze partner. Some of his “Dutch” courage would have rubbed on you. I can imagine how bad a parent you’ll be. You may be whatever you like, but I can’t give you company; I’m no Sitara. Tell me if and when you quit the habit and don’t give into peer pressure. Please don’t make me regret being in love with you.’ The last sentence gave him some solace, and he held her hand warmly. They soon went their ways.

************

‘Darling, do you remember Amit?’

‘Why not, he was the only classmate of ours who studied at a prestigious B- School’.

‘We bumped into each other at the restaurant. He was here on work.’

‘Great. Why did you not bring him here?’

‘He had left shortly after lunch’.

‘He told me an interesting thing. You want me quit booze, right. It’s a habit. If you delete ‘h’, ‘a bit’ remains. If you delete ‘a’, ‘bit’ remains. If you delete ‘b’, ‘it’ remains. If you delete ‘i’,‘t’ still remains! Haha, no habit can be kicked. So, please accept me as your loving husband as I am…’

‘Pray, was this a management lesson taught in his B- school?’

‘Yes. No wonder that it helps to study in a premier institution!’

‘And, did he tell you the context of all that exercise? I bet he wouldn’t have. Or, you wouldn’t have taken it as it wouldn’t serve your cause. Were we not taught in Moral Science in our High School that habits need to be formed carefully as they can’t be kicked easily? Some creative talk and you fall for it! I wonder if you can ever quit this loathsome habit!’

************

‘How was your trip to the countryside?’

‘It’s OK.’

‘You’re dull. I expected you to be excited!’ said he, and, peering into her eyes, continued, ‘Ah! They’re red! Don’t tell me you were on a high on country liquor!’

She began to walk away silently. Yes, habits die hard. This guy was incorrigible. If only he had reformed himself, she’d have been happily leading her life as a married woman, in the loving company of the man she genuinely fell for.

He overtook her and blocked her way, folded his palms and pleaded, ’Forgive me and tell me what happened!’

‘Your brethren caused me all this trauma!’

‘My brethren? Who?’

‘Your drunkard brethren. On my return journey, all the others in my bay were men. I thought they were gentlemen. No, they were drunkards! They were absolute strangers to one another. I could figure that out from their conversation. In no time, they enquired about the others’ drinking habits and virtually opened a bar! It was dark outside and I could not see any helpline number in any station. Otherwise, I would have got them detrained! I did not even lie down on my berth. I sat cross- legged and did not sleep a wink all night!’

He tried make light of a sombre situation. ‘Thank God, you’re safe. You see, not all who drink are lecherous..’

‘You’re spineless. You don’t deserve a wife, forget me. What kind of security can you give her against any drunkard? After all, you may join him for a drink! And, since it’s not your life, you selectively forget all that you’ve read about the link between drunkenness and sexual offences!’

‘Sorry, dear. I didn’t mean that. Do you ever think I can misbehave with a woman?’

She looked into his eyes. There she found sincerity as well as seriousness. She softened. ‘Sweetie pie, you cannot. I know that. I love your sense of restraint. We’ve been in love for so long, and your only expression of love has been holding my hand, tenderly and warmly. Expression of love need not be physical. You’ve demonstrated it all these years! And I love you even more if only for that. You’re such a good human being, and it is not appropriate for you to indulge in such vices. Picture this. How can you protect any woman if you are inebriated?’

They held hands and sat silently on the bench of Nehru Park for a while before leaving for their respective homes.

************

‘Have you heard this? Ravi has been diagnosed with malignancy of the liver. Third Stage. The position is precarious. I’ll be glad if you can cut short your trip and return. They have no familial connections to assist them, right? Yes, all of us who are here have taken leave and are assisting Ravi and Sitara’.

They took turns to render assistance. Ravi seemed to improve. Three months after he recovered, Ravi developed secondaries. Our protagonists, concerned about their friend’s health, never discussed marriage or its attendant conditions.

When Ravi passed away after another six months, it was a relief to him, for it liberated him from all the suffering he went through.

************

‘Six months have passed by since Ravi passed away. Sitara prefers to stay alone and raise Guddi. She’s put her foot down on any proposal for remarriage’.

‘What for are you her friend? Convince her, won’t you?’

‘She’s clear. She will not budge. I know that. Do you know why I was so obstinate in my opposition to your habit? Death can come any time. But it should not be with an ‘if only’ regret. Sitara always held that Ravi was an adult and was entitled to his decisions. Look who’s left behind, and with what magnitude of sorrow. I love you, and can live the rest of my life imagining that you are well. I’d rather be a widow when you are alive than dead. I beseech you, please go away from me. I can’t see you die right in front of my eyes, with me being helpless about it all….’ She wept inconsolably. He was now able to see her side of the story, and realised why he was not married so far. He decided to make amends. But people in love don’t require words to communicate, do they? He held her hand warmly, as they sat on their favourite bench in the Nehru Park.

************

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